UK:Rowan Williams haunted by suicide of troubled Oxford student who fell for him

[david at virtueonline.org]

LONDON: Rowan Williams haunted by suicide of troubled Oxford student who fell for him
Dr Rowan Williams: the coroner at Miss Watson's inquest asked why he had set himself up as a source of 'spritual counsel' without formal training

by David Brown and Ruth Gledhill
The Times
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/faith/article5119808.ece
November 10, 2008

The suicide of a fellow student at Oxford 33 years ago has been revealed as one of the defining moments in the life of the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams.

A new biography describes how Hilary Watson fell secretly in love with the charismatic and deeply spiritual 24-year-old doctoral student while he was counselling her in the 1970s.

According to the book (serialised in times2 today), the young theologian was unaware of how his well-intentioned support had resulted in emotional turmoil for a woman four years his senior. He was the last person to see Miss Watson before she took an overdose of sleeping pills. She then called a mutual friend and asked her to “tell Rowan that it's not his fault”.

At Miss Watson's inquest Dr Williams was exonerated of any responsibility but the coroner asked why he had set himself up as a source of “spiritual counsel” without formal training, the biography discloses.

It remains one of the bleakest moments in the Archbishop's life and he admits that the event still haunts him. He told his biographer that Miss Watson's family blamed him at the time “and I think still do. That hurts.”

The tragedy is made public in Rowan's Rule: The Biography of the Archbishop by Rupert Shortt. Dr Williams co-operated in its preparation.

The suicide is described as one of the most significant events in Dr Williams's pastoral and spiritual growth. As a result, he strove to develop a professional approach to therapy and pastrol care and gained a strong understanding of mental illness. Dr Williams was finishing his doctoral thesis at Wadham College when he met Miss Watson as she started an MSc in Applied Social Studies at St Anne's.

Miss Watson, known as Lori, had become depressed because of a chronic lung illness and the pressure of her studies and sought help from Dr Williams. According to Shortt, she received extensive support from him.

The Times has learnt that they spent several hours together on the evening of April 25, 1975, before Miss Watson returned to her room at the New Barnett House halls of residence. She then called a mutual friend, Pam Lunn, and asked her to pass on the final message to Dr Williams.

Ms Lunn tried to call Miss Watson back but her telephone was engaged. It later emerged that she had called a Roman Catholic priest before taking a mixture of barbiturates and whisky.

Both Dr Williams and Mrs Lunn gave evidence at the inquest but the priest declined, saying that it would have broken the seal of the confessional.

Ms Lunn recalled that the coroner asked Dr Williams a series of questions implying that he had set himself up as a counsellor without appropriate training. “He was deeply uncomfortable about this,” said Ms Lunn. “The coroner asked him if he had any idea whether Lori's suicide could have been anticipated. Rowan answered sharply with a counter-question: 'Do you think I'd have left her on her own if I'd suspected what might happen?'.”

The coroner decided that Miss Watson had taken her own life while suffering from bad health and due to personal matters, including work.

“The inquest was plainly immensely upsetting for Rowan,” said Ms Lunn.

For Dr Williams it was a lesson in the importance of distinguishing friendship from pastoral work, the biography says. He was often consulted by students who valued his advice on emotional and spiritual matters.

“Rowan was the sort of person people talked to,” Ms Lunn added.

But, it appears that he was not yet experienced enough to deal with the problems of a troubled young woman sinking into severe depression and who is believed to have made previous attempts to kill herself.

“It was not formal counselling and that may have been one of the difficulties,” said Ms Lunn. “ got herself into deeper waters than were sensible for a situation that did not have the boundaries of formal counselling.

“She was a distressed young woman. She was pouring out her emotions as if it were a therapeutic situation when it wasn't. She probably fell in love with Rowan.”

While Dr Williams's potential as a future archbishop had already been noted by leaders of Oxford's Anglo-Catholic and other Christian circles, Miss Watson was a shy, academic young woman. According to Shortt, Dr Williams was still unaware of her growing romantic feelings towards him, regarding her simply as a friend in need of help.

Melanie Gill, a forensic child psychologist, said it appeared that Miss Watson had misconstrued Dr Williams's support. “Rowan Williams is a naturally sympathetic person and exudes sympathy and empathy, so if you are not used to anything like that, you would be overwhelmed,” she said.

“This is someone so vulnerable that they have mistaken what is being done and needed much more. Maybe this girl should have gone to her doctor to seek appropriate help, but in those days it might not have been available. It was good of Rowan to offer a helping hand and of course he could not blame himself.”

Miss Watson's family were completely unprepared for her suicide and knew nothing of her depression or the support of the future archbishop.

Her brother, John Watson, attended the inquest with his father, also John, in May 1975. Her mother had died several years earlier.

Mr Watson recalls little of events at Oxford Coroner's Court apart from the evidence that his sister had contacted people on the night she died.

“I feel that my sister was pleading for help and did not intend to kill herself,” he said. “She wanted someone to come and help her but that did not happen. I cannot say that person should have been Rowan Williams.”

For Dr Williams the events of 33 years ago were to help to lay the foundations for his office as a servant, not just of the Church, but of all those in need.

END